im probably going to kill you
Thursday, July 28, 2005
7:31PM - feel?
Feel the need, feel the pain, feel the touch
Feel you gone, feel you near,
Feel the ache, feel despair, feel used
I don't need to feel, I don't care.
We play a game of life
nobody can win we all shall lose
But we shall never manage to stop
I will carry on with no heart and soul
Hanging on every word I am made to believe
I'm going to tell you the truth.
Devil Incarnate you can have me
make me purer that God can ever do
I'm going to break in two
and scatter our souls over the cracks of our minds
You can have all of me if you like
I don't need to live in reality
my dreams destroy me as it is.
Monday, July 25, 2005
jesus christ. i dont think i can take watching people i love self distruct. especialy when the obviously dont give a fuck about me. grr.
Friday, May 27, 2005
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Saturday, May 21, 2005
another saturday morning at work. o man. im so hungover. we went to the tigers game... i had too many beer. o god. its bad. i threw up this morning. *cry*. i need some greesy hangover food. bad. like A&W. oh yeah.
anyways, in news... so Brian is having twins! a boy and a girl. hes gonna be a daddy. who expected that one. gooood luck
also... me and regis got drunk and lost my fucking braces. wow. yeah so tray 2 was probably thrown out the car window by drunken zach at heathers car. greaaat. so i have tray 3 in (omg i have the worst headach ever!!!) and its waaay to tight. motherfucker my mom is going to physically kill me!! sheyit.
well hey thats the story of my life.... *sigh.*
Tuesday, May 3, 2005
3:07PM - puppy love 101
<~ thats rocco<~ thats duce.
duce and rocco are both male dogs. they live together with chris.
let me tell you a little story about why duce is smileing.
Ok, so me and chris were hangin out at his house, we had just smoked a little. were laying on the matress on the floor with rocco and duce. all of the sudden duce starts humping rocco. it was pretty funny, we were trying to kick them off the matress and cracking up at the same time. it was pretty sick, i saw a big dog boner. so im like "ewww". all of the sudden duce stops. me and chris looked at eachother like wtf? and next thing you know, duce busted a nice big ole nut right in front of us. on the fricken matress.
I saw a dog ejaculate. thats right. pretty sick. and for the rest of the day, duce had that big smile on his face.
that would make a good childrens book... "Duce the smiley dog and his good pal (life-partenr) rocco"
Saturday, April 30, 2005
9:41AM - guess what
Thursday, April 28, 2005
good ole' prom. may 6th. thats one week from tomarrow. mike and joe went 2 von maur with me 2 look 4 a dress. than we drove 2 ford and beech... im gonna go w the poofy white one. $400!!! thats more than my life.im going to be paying 4 that one for about 2 months. mike and joe <3ed it. i think mark will like it 2. its gonna be sooo much fun. i have 2 get dark grey perls.
im at work, i was late 2 day bc of that damn dress. i dont have school 2marrow. im pretty sure im gonna sleep at chris's 2night. jolene is comming 2 clean 2marrow... nothin worse than a vaccum slamming on all the walls when ur trying 2 sleep. chris is gonna be at critters.
so mark was in court today:( they reached a verdict, the guy got 2nd degree murder and 2 other things, i dont remember what else. now all thats left is the sentencing. i feel so bad 4 mark, he was sooo close 2 paul. i cant even imagine going to court, and looking the guy who killed my cousin in the eyes. paul was a cool guy, he was only in his early 20s or something.
so.. i turn 18 in about 9 days. its so weird. i wanna go 2 the vou. on that saturday night. than its mothers day on sunday. woo hoo. so this is kind of sad. im not ready 2 be so old. i want to be like 13 again. when my life revolved around going to riverside on friday nights and southpark on wednsdays. and talking on the phone to steve gazzola (the hubby). and the only two things i wanted in life more than anything... the things that would make me sooo cool, a cell phone and my belly button peirced. aw now its like, well here ya go, pay for everything, get a job, and go 2 college.
being old is no fun. my imagination is just gone. i miss my imagionary friends... elephand and operator. i wonder if i was schitzophrenic, or just really creative. hmm...
so im at work... and i have the hickupps... and treharne just came up 2 me and poured out a whole packet of sugar on my tounge and made me swallow. a little weird. it worked so far...
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
yeah so THS prom... next week. im so stressin about my dress and hair. i found this beautiful dress. its $400. its so pretty. but its super puffy. and ill be embarassed if im the only girl in a puffy dress. its seriously huge. bigger than thurston. but i love it. and i have 2 decide 2marrow. there was this other one at davids bridal... pretty, but 2 short and baby blue, and i wanted to avoid that.
heres a thinker... GERVIS and JOHAMMAD are comming over 2night. hmmmm weird. that wont be akward at all. i promis.
Sunday, April 24, 2005
DEEEETROIT BASKETBAAAALL!!! im so going to the game on tuesday! Dugan has season tickets. it'll be fuckin sweet! ive never been 2 a basketball game, let alone a NBA playoffgame. im excited. 2day im going 2 melissas w my dad. woo hoo. so much for havin a crazy weekend b/c my mom was in arazona the whole time. friday was the craziest night ever in a bad way, and yesterday i was all freaked out. and now its sunday. im so bummed, i totally blew this whole weekend.
I left my braces at tjs, and he drove back 2 wixom at 11:30 and brought them 2 me. aww hes so sweet i <3 him. that makes up for him coming at me with sharp objects every second on friday. that was crazy. yesterday was the worst, i literally sat at home all day and cried. i was so upset. i talked 2 hannah for like 20 min, and she made me feel a lot better. i took a tylenol PM, watched SNL and just went 2 bed. saturday night live is awesome, i havent seen a new one live in like 6 years. Kelly clarkson was the guest, she looked like a smelly pirate hooker. well im out, i need 2 take a shower and clean the house.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
My Teeth kill! OuCh! owie. seriously... it kills. my gums are swollen, and my teeth are just super sore. WHO REALLY GETS BRACES WHEN THEIR 18 YEARS OLD! im about 5 years too late. you cant really tell... thanks to invisilign.
i LOVE my speech impediment. and the fact that i cant eat or drink ANYTHING but water with them in... and to take them out... feels like im getting three teeth pulled . sooo im going to be losing some weight. i got them in yesterday...i took a quiz... apparently this is my skill?
You are 'French'. In the nineteenth century, it
was the international language of diplomacy.
It is a 'beautiful' language, meaning that it
is really just a low-fidelity copy of Latin. You know the importance of communicating
'diplomatically', which for you means both
being polite and friendly when necessary and
using sophisticated, vicious sarcasm when
appropriate. Your life is guided by either
existentialism or nihilism, depending on the
weather. You have a certain appreciation for
the finer things in life, which is a diplomatic
way of saying that you are a disgusting
hedonist. Your problem is that French has been
obsolete for a long time.
What obsolete skill are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
so apparently you are supposed to get dropped from a calss when you have 5 or more unexcused absences, and 10 excused... well in most classes i have 12 more absences. BUT i heard that Bush made it impossible to drop a kid from a class due to abseces... no child left behind...? thats a good thing if its true... that means im guaranteed to graduate~ WOO HOO and i dont have to worry about skipping anymore.
well im at work and dene just yelled at me for "being in the internet"...
I best get out of it asap.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
why does my name have to rhyme with manley?
im with hannah... shes on my floor putting in a gaged spiked nipple ring. it looks like death.
i have the biggest headach in the whole world. i need to lay down and sleep for 13 hours.
Monday, April 11, 2005
My coffee... today before work, i went to sleven, and got the french vinilla capichino... (yum) i added one shot of vanilla syrup, 2 shots of carmel syrup, a lot of vanilla sugar powder and the mini white marshmelos. im still on a damn sugar high. its quite the rush... and mood elevator. probably going to go into a coma very soon.
~my accomplishments today~
- i pissed off lisa at work
- corrupted some youth
quote of the day
"this one's my favorate, it looks like a rainbow!" --hannah
today in special ed... we watched that hillary duff movie... raise your voice. and jusus christ wow. words couldnt explain how horrible that movie fucking is. really its like disney channel meets dumb jap horror movie... its bad. i would rather cut off my limbs with a room tempature butter knife... no PLASTIC knife and feed them to a pack of hungry wolves, than sit through that movie EVER again.
what the hell is Dr. Pepper???
~Want to know? Ill tell you. Cinnamon! not black cherry, or root whatever. i know this because my dad told me. and he knows because of trivial persuit!!! it was a question and the answer was cinnamon. damnit i am not a liar!
www.provedjessicaandherfatherwrong.com my ass ADAM! oh yeah and the internet sucks! world of information... yeah BULLSHIT! you would think that somewhere of the world wide web, askjeeves / google... would have that information. what is the actual flavor. well it doesnt, nowhere on the internet does it say the flavor if dr.pepper. not even on the god damn DR PEPPER offical websight. hellllllllo. im agrivated at this.
it is worth pondering... and its driving me fucking nuts. what flavor is dr. pepper? hmmmm.
JesserBeanski: dr pepper...
JesserBeanski: what do you think of it
theDUNCANstein: It's good
theDUNCANstein: sometimes it tastes like baby powder smells.
did poo poo just solve it? maybe its baby powder...
so anyways, i havent been able to fall asleep at night. like at all in the last 2 weeks... its a bummer. something tells me that even though i got roughly 3 hours of sleep last night, that i wont be able to fall asleep again tonight. thanks to my intake of 20 oz of pure sugar/syrup.
soo goodnight all... i hope everyones day was as productave as mine was.
note to self**** Wed. at 1 (yey finally get my very first invisaligh retainer! really though, who has braces when there 18 years old? there is me... and um oh yeah tim Vandusen... great.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
11:02PM - cuz im a fucking redneck woman
scrotum. <~ just incase you didnt know how to spell it. because i do.
fast food should deliver. it would be so great, not only for me but for the world. there would be less littering and a lot less drunk driving related deaths and injuries. but i would be fat and poor. actually i think in new york somewhere, a mcdonnalds delivers ( i saw it on "supersize me") that was a good documentary. it did however make me crave mcdonnalds bad tho. i dont think it served its purpose.
lmao: the Mctwiches... a McBrick
I now (finealy) have my operators liscense!
(yes!!) now i can drive past midnight like a big kid. good thing im a lucky bastard. the day be4 fla i was comming home frm chris;s house and got pulled over on schoolcraft (going 65 on a 35mph) yeahhh, well it turned out he was my 5th grade D.A.R.E officer-- its a damn good thing i wasnt on crack. i didnt have the seatbelt on eaither. ASLO im lucky bc last sunday night i hung out w spangler and ryan, and after they dropped me off at home, ry,chrissy and jermey went 2 jail n ryan got a DUI. shitty.
today was a good sunday. which is weird bc, a. i started my period (in the middle of Play it again sports with my dad... and i was wearing white pants) and b. im a little hungover. the guy that worked there looked just like tim meadows, and he let me in the employee bathroom. my dad bought me catnip. it was great, we got chloe and chance high. it was funny, chance actually got off his fat ass and ran around.
I also hung out with chris and ryan. they brought me hungry howies, it was soooo fucking good, butter garlic crust. god chris is sooo fucking gay. he totally told ryan about AJ and Brett. all i say is "hottie" and i get the shit kicked out of me. UNFAIR!
so... friday night: wild on winthrop with hannah and mark. it was fun. i got drunk. so did hannah lol. im going 2 thurstons prom with mark. its gonna be really sweet. im glad im going 2 thurstons prom, i grew up in redford, and who better to go w than one of my best friends. I <3 mark, we havent really been as close as we usually are, but prom will be super fun. anyways... yes so tiffany rushlow wants my balls.
It was funny, regis and mikey hate eachother and both of them talk shit about eachother all of the time and how "next time i see him im gonna beat his ass". so at the very end of the night when regis was leaving, mikey was like "you have to leave dude your not welcome here". im like lol your so tough.
Saturday night... yeah about that. chris's friend martin picked me up, we went 2 this party thing, (kyle delcorts house) chris almost faught spangler~ and someother kid that was there (but whats new chris is a drama queen). so it was really gay and full of drama, kelli godfre talked shit 2 me. and the fucker that molested me in my sleep was there. i introduced myself 2 him cuz i didnt recgonize him, and chris told me that was him, i was like wow. angie wood was there as well. haha that girl has the intelligence of a fucking toaster. so i was in a reallly shitty mood all nite untill i got drunk, then next thing i know im in the house, and only 10 guys and me are left, i didnt know ANY of them. im like yeah hi. but i learned how to play spades. regis picked me up, and we went 2 his house for a min, and i passed out on his couch and my mom called my cell at 5:47am. im like yeah hi. so i got home pretty late. but that was my fun-filled weekend.
OH YEA friday, me and hannah got out hurr did at cool blue. hannahs hair looks fucking sweet, mine did, but now i realize that i have a MULLET (shit shit shit) and i hate it and paid $60!!! so im broke and have gay hair. im soooo bitter. but katie kozlowski is a model... i read her articles and saw pics, i havent talked 2 her in a long time. and on the way there me and hannah got lost in downtown D for a good hour. so that was really gay 2. but i would regret going if hannah didnt have hot sexy hair. she got hit on by some arab chick with her kids in the car on our way home that we cutt off. it was great. and some boater wanted our #. ok its late and i definely need sleep.
sooo im gonna go 2 bed.
JUSTIN DUNCAN MISPELLED SOMETHING!
<3 I HEART <3 :
~tylenol sinus severe congestion
~my new bucket of catnip
~hungry howies pizza
~AND my puking star
Thursday, April 7, 2005
7:01PM - My God Im BLIND
what a beautiful day... the sun is shining... right in my FUCKING eyes and i cant even see to answet the phone! grr. for the next 15 minuts. i will not be able to see anything at all. there is just a big greenish mass over all of the words. great. so today was good, i only had 2 classes, then i came home and took a four hour nap and went to work. the right side of my throught is in incredible pain when i talk, swallow, and move. im not sure why.
yesterday was intresting...after 2nd hour me n hannah left school. we picked up anthony, kim and amber. than me and hannah smoked w Ryan Baumgartner and some guy nammed Rell. i was the most stoned ive ever been in my whole life. than hannah went to work. and i got drunk with Chelsea Rustin. good times. than i fineally saw the notebook, which was the ultimat chick flick. it was ok. i did cry a lot. its just about this old bitch who doesnt remember her shit, and her hubby reads to her so she remembers than they die together at the end. (but in a good way). so if you havent seen it i kind of just fucked it up for you, but its ok, its still a cute movie.
my mom got the teacher of the year award, yey im so proud of her she sooo deserves it.
the pope died... : ( aw thats pretty sad. I liked the pope before he was cool.
so me and chelsea were sitting... watching the BP (batting practice... are you not down?) and we had to pee, so we walked 2 a gas station,( that was a negitave on the restroom situation) so we walk across to this big church. I was wearing boy soccer shorts and a very oversized hoodie with reallly dirty flip flops, and she was just as scrubby. (im like maybe this isnt a good idea...) we walk in and its ALLLL (100%) everyone... black, negro, people of... colors, african americans black. dressed up in their nicest dresses and suits and big gay hats. and all the guys were wearing horribly tacky colored shoes. there was a table with three ladies, omg did we get the looks. chelsea was like "hi... can we use your bathroom?" they looked at us for a good 45 seconds, and chelsea is like "do you mind... if we use your bathroom, we came from the softball feild" and some other ladie walks up and sais "hi ladies, do you attend service here?" and were like "ooo.... about that, not usually" and shes like "well its a good idea to think about, the bathroom is over here". ok wow so we come out when the service finished up, wow there were hundreds of dressed up people, and the ladie was like "follow me" were like wow ok. she gives us 3 cards each, and sais "Ladies, please come back, we are a church for ALL people. ... All people. please, were for all people". were like yeah... and then we left. it was reallllly uncomfprtable. but i stole a flyer from the inside of the stall door that sais "IF YOU SPRINKLE WHEN YOU TINKLE< BE A SWEETIE AND WIPE THE SEATIE!!!"
im probably going to go to hell
i cant wait to get off work. It'll be great. i may go to beejers, and hang 4 a while who knows?
Thursday, March 24, 2005
12:25PM - graduation? ... about that....
so i kind of skipped school today for no reason at all. well no, hannah mentioned that she didnt want to go, and it sounded like a great idea... so i just went to Chris's and slept on his couch for 4 hours. i have a lot of absences... excused and unexcused. I could have had his mom check me out but she was walking out the door when i got there. Chris isnt back from chicago yet. anyways i was sleeping on his couch ( i was actually dreaming that my sister was over there too... it was weird) and duce jumped on me really hard, i almost had a heart attack. he is by far my favorate homosexual dog.
i thought i was alone there, so when i got up, i was getting some cereal, and i was singing to myself... (or duce and spencer...). be4 i left i opened the door by the bathroom (i was looking 4 chris's portable cd player so i can take it 2 Fla.) and Rod was just sitting in there. i was like wow hi. lol embarassing.
so now im home... and i need to keep packing, and take a shower than work! woo hoo.
work will be ok today, im not tired and its my last day :( be 4 Fla. i cant believe im leaving tomarrow. it will be fun. i get to see my Alex. it will be great.
ew this is regis;s away messege:
Auto response from iamBEinSTALKED01: you can play with anything you want.. but don't play with my heart or my mind..
what a fucking weirdo, i really hope thats not about me. than again, who else would it be for. oh well.
good bye all.
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
well right now im definetly supposed to be packing, and cleaning my room. Marco Island on Friday! yey. I went 2 hannah's today for a little bit. I lit 2 ciggeretts... yummy. im so glad i dont smoke. she gave me like an all new wardrobe. im giving her cute cloths to wear in england, and shes giving me all of her beach cloths 4 Flordia. we also went to Kohls. I took her to work, i got a 12 inch Italian BMT, chips, a cookie and a large drink for $1.49. it was awesome. that was one of my most memorible meals. it was so good. hannah makes a fuckin mean sub. were all taking a road trip to New Jersey i guess after spring break. I died hollys hair last night, it looks really cute.
so im pretty sure im going to get skin cancer. ive been tanning almost everyday. thats so unhealthy. i got really burned (again) today. ouch. my face is beet red. it hurts.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
3:49PM - Lasher and Outer Drive
so i love being lost in detroit with no gas, its one of my favorite things to do. I drove chris to probation, and he yelled at me the whole way there because apparently your not supposed to stop in the middle of the road or at yield signs. i get nervous when im being screamed at. jesus he reminds me of my dad teaching me how to drive. asshole. he has like 20 stiches right in the middle of his forehead... i guess he was running from the cops (they werent after him, they just broke up a party he was at...) and as he was climbing a fence he got caught and busted his head. i worry about that kid. but anyways, the directions he gave me to get home were completely fucked, so i drove around in the hood for an extra 20 min aimlessly.
so tonight im singing at my school, my dad is playing guitar for me. its kind of sad, my last performance ever. aww. im sooo nervous. i always do shitty at these things. last time regis and sarah and ally came 2 see me, wow did i fuck that one up. I sang this Italian opera called O mio babbino caro it was so hard, and i was extremely nervous. so wish me luck tonight.
I had a very disturbing dream last night, i wont speak of it... but just note.. it was so sick, and random. I think i need mental help.lol
i am a retard today, i lost my phone 23984234348739847 times, only to realize it was in my pocket, or like right next to me... I got lost on my was home from my dads, and i tried to put my car in drive like 3 times be4 i realized that i didnt even start the car yet. some days my brain doesnt work correctly. Chris thinks i show signs of i'm-a-fucking-retard syndrome... i dont know.
"where did you get your cloths... the.....toilet store?"
Jen called today, she asked if i can work today because Lisa ran out b/c one of her sons fell off the top bleechers and busted his head open and broke his arm... ouch.
EASY MAC is by far better than regular maceroni and cheese...
Monday, March 21, 2005
so i was driving to work today being this shitty little volvo. i was very irritated because the asshole was going like 60 in the left lane. all i could see was the huge comb-over through the window, and this huge sticker that said "Colombia university". i'm like riiight douche bag you should learn the fuck how to drive. yeah asshole the early 80's called, they said they want their hairstyle back. but then... do you know what i saw? i saw his license plate...
hahahah the volvo's license plate was fucking STD.it was great. i was no longer fursterated at all.
so that was the highlight of my day by far...
hypethetical question of the day: "do you like raw green beans?" --TJ
so hannah, holly and i met at the coffee bean in plymouth... we talked, and laughed and holly had some alone time with her cookie. (note 2 self... buy a gram weigher...)
good times... (besides the "public surveys") however, holly and i were just insanely jealous of hannah - she was wearing this totally awesome ubran outfitters-ish black crushed velvet blazer with sweet ruffle/pointed shoulder things. it was fucking hot. holly and i tried to buy it off of her, we kept throwing out offers, but she declined them all. damnit. the guy at the lap top was practically drooling over her... im guessing it was the blazer...(good sir?_)
i have this obsession with korean babies... there just so damn cute. there is a really cute one in the showroom. she can really stop screaming any time now though.
Sunday, March 20, 2005
10:53PM - saga schmaga
how is it, that at the very end of a good day... things can get so shitty. five phone calls later im crying. apparently it was drama with jessica hour. and when i need certain people the most, they seem to have completely disappeared-- no worse than dissappearing, being there but only ignoring me. my forgiveness might be in all of the wrong places. i have a huge knot in my stomach.
i thought that lovley feeling of complete emptiness, and being alone was gone for a while. but its definetly back. this is my problem i think, when one (or five...) little things happen, i take it to heart... and than im all depressed and sad about it for whet seems like forever. tj said i need therapy, he recomended it. he said it helps so much just to get everything off your chest, and to have someone to just sit and listen, not judging you or anything.
ive lived way too much for my age.
DagoXIX: Lindsay Dowling Stars In "The Poo Poo Platter"
that is what i would call perfect timing...
just as i started typing about tj and therapy, he goes and IM;s me that. I <3 that boy.
sleep will take it all away...
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